


birds of a feather fly together

by orphan_account



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Abusive ex boyfriend, Angst with a Happy Ending, Begging, Cunnilingus, Dom Kara, Drinking, Emotional Sex, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Strap-Ons, Teasing, Top Kara, Unrequited Love, also instead of studying for finals, but it's wholesome, call cps on todd 2k19, kara needs more love, or is it? ;), post-pasificst ending, reader has great stamina because all she does is run from her problems, shameless smut tbh, todd being a dick like always, we love our sweet mommy kara uwu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 03:14:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17052011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You knew you were damned from the start. Love at first sight, as they say. But you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back. And then you fall farther.Just to be caught by the one who you fell for in the first place.





	birds of a feather fly together

**Author's Note:**

> yes, the next chapter of in the name of love will come out later this week. i've been beyond stressed about finals and something possessed me to write this
> 
> kara needs some more love. you guys are really hurting me here :(
> 
> this is my first time actually publishing smut so,,,, hopefully it's towards y'alls liking
> 
> anyways, enjoy. writing this was,,, an experience 
> 
> i'm sure you'll have,, and experience too

Kara is worried about you.

You had been acting strange lately. You’ve been distant, jumpy, less talkative than you normally are. Your smile used to be a trademark feature of yours, lighting up your surroundings and spreading joy to others around you. But you had been smiling less and less, and Kara had been finding herself missing that contagious happiness you had. She knew you were avoiding her. You used to come over almost everyday, texting her the days that you couldn’t, stopping by at the apartment after your shifts. You’d always stay for a few hours even if you said you didn’t have the time, playing with Alice and talking with her. Sometimes, on the colder days of the winter season, you would cuddle up with Kara under a blanket, drinking the hot chocolate that she made for the both of you, extra marshmallows, just how you liked it.

Those were some of her favorite times, memories that she held close to her heart. But, now, she would be lucky to even get a text from you. She would come to visit you at work, but your presence would always be conveniently required somewhere else. You would respond to her after long silences, apologizing and offering some brief explanation to why you hadn’t answered earlier. But your excuses were piling on top of each other, and you began to contradict yourself. She didn’t call you out on it. She was too busy trying to figure out what she had done wrong. This was her fault, wasn’t it? She had no right to question you. What had she done to set you off? Were you mad? Why didn’t you just tell her that you didn’t want to talk anymore instead of keeping her hanging on like this?

But, she knows the answer to that. You’re too nice. Too sweet. Your heart is pure and you would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. She knows that.

But, you’re so hard to read. Kara has a whole database of human behavior and psychology and how to even pick up on emotions from body language, but it’s still hard for her to ever know exactly what you’re thinking. One day you’d say you want one thing, and the next day you’d change your mind. Humans are indecisive, sure, but the unpredictability of your behavioral patterns has begun to drive her a bit mad.

The only memory she has that could possibly be connected to your abrupt change of conduct, the only possible reason she has managed to gather—

_—was the night you called her sobbing._

It was late, and the first thing she heard when she picked up the phone was your shaky, watery voice, pleading out her name. She had managed to calm you down enough to where you explained to her what happened, and after she understood, she was the one who needed to calm down. It was your boyfriend, a guy you met at the club you started to frequent just before you started to grow distant. She didn’t trust him from the moment she met him, but he made you laugh, and you seemed happy, so she simply stood back and watched as your relationship began to develop.

You’re a lonely person. That’s one thing Kara knows for sure about you. You crave physical and emotional connection, and although it was so, _so_ hard for her to convince you that you could confide in her, that she was there for you and would provide for your needs, you would still hold back. There’s still a lot she doesn’t know about you.

 _“I don’t like telling other people how I really feel,_ ” you had told her, _“I don’t want people to waste their time worrying about me._ ”

But, sometimes, to Kara, it was like you were drowning, and you couldn’t keep your head above to breathe; you needed someone else, someone to help you to the surface, to give you air, to give you warmth, but even though she had her hand outstretched towards you, you wouldn’t take it. Maybe…

You _couldn’t_ take it.

You had a lot of pain inside of you, and it hurt Kara too. You’re distrustful of others, having been double-crossed far too many times in the past. But then you started dating who is now your ex, and you seemed… brighter. If even just a little bit. For some reason, that gave Kara a strangely cold feeling on the inside. One that she hadn’t been able to identify, still being fairly new to feeling emotions. But this was one she never remembered feeling before. And it was unpleasant. She didn’t _like_ it.

She didn’t like when he made you laugh. She didn’t like it when he put his hands on you. She didn’t like it when you spent time with him instead of her. She didn’t like the way it made her feel.

In the end, your happiness is what matters most. And if that’s what you wanted, to be with this man, then Kara wouldn’t interfere.

But, then you started talking about how he began asking you for sexual favors. You would tell her that you weren’t really comfortable with that, it scared you, but you were afraid that he would be hurt if you didn’t comply.

And, Kara supposes, he was. But not in a way that warranted him _any_ sympathy, or not in a way that was _at all_ your fault.

The relationship had ended only a few minutes prior to your phone call. You were over at his house and you drank, and he slipped you something. He brought you to his room and took off your clothes, and you tried to tell him to stop but he _wouldn’t_. He only paused his actions when you managed to kick him in the crotch, fleeing the building and calling Kara when you got onto the street.

You didn’t know where you were, and you were alone, and it was dark, and you called her for help. She texted Luther to keep an eye on Alice and then she set out for you, picking you up off a street corner and taking you to her place.

She’ll never forget the image of you, scratched up and bruised-covered, clothing and hair disheveled, knees to your chest and head in your arms sobbing. You were so vulnerable. You _are_ so vulnerable. She never wanted to see you like that again. She wanted to protect you.

From then on, she knew she would.

She entered the house with you as quietly as possible, letting you lean on her shoulders as you both walked. She helped you out of your dirtied and ripped clothing, letting you wear a loose sweater of hers. She remembers how cute you looked in it, with how big it was on you. You’re much smaller than her, despite only being a few years younger than her modeled age. It’s endearing to her; makes her want to take care of you even more.

Kara allowed you to stay the night with her, offering you a shower, as she figured you may want one after what had happened. But you declined, simply stating that you wanted to stay with her.

And that you did, the both of you huddled together on the couch. You were more touchy than usual, wrapping your arms around her torso and lying your head on her chest. But she wasn’t complaining. She stroked your hair, rubbing small circles on your back with her other hand. It was quiet for a while, the only sound being your slow, uneven breaths.

But then you broke the silence.

“Kara…”

You said her name softly, into the fabric of her shirt. She hummed your name in response.

“Why are you always there for me?”

Her movements temporarily ceased in the unexpectedness of your question. You slowly sat up, gazing at her expectantly through the darkness.

“...Because I care about you,” was her response, another word on the tip of her tongue but _just too far out of reach_. You tilted your head slightly, one of your hands coming to her cheeks, your fingertips brushing across her skin lightly. She enjoyed the feeling.

“I wish…” you murmured after a small beat, your eyes never once leaving Kara’s, “that you and I could be together.”

Everything seemed to freeze.

Her thirium pump skipped a beat.

Were you saying what she thought you were?

Granted, you were under the influence of... _whatever_ it was. But your words were clear and your sentences coherent, and you _really sounded like you meant it._

Why _couldn’t_ the two of you be together?

Because you’re a human, and she’s an android? Because you’re both the same gender?

But why did either of those things really matter? They didn't. They _don’t_.

There was a moment, where you moved closer, until your face was inches from hers, and you both simply looked at each other. She could feel your breath upon her face, could smell the scent of your perfume. Her gaze flickered to your lips which were pink and slightly parted, and she noted how soft they looked. She wanted to find out how they'd feel against her own.

Then, the moment was over, and you fell back onto her chest, going quiet again. And, while she was holding you in her arms, matching her breathing with your own, that’s when she realized.

Why she didn’t like seeing you so close with other people. Why your smile made her smile. Why she always looked forward to see you. Why she wanted to always have you close. Why she wanted to protect you so badly. Why she wanted to get to know every aspect of you.

The word that she couldn’t exactly place only a few minutes ago…

 _Kara was in love with you_. She has been for… how long? She wonders if she had loved you from the moment you both met. Love at first sight, humans call it. It was possible.

She held you for the rest of the night, her thoughts spinning. You had fallen asleep in her arms soon after, and she didn’t get any peace of mind that night.

She didn’t think much of the interaction. Things seemed normal enough the next day. She continued to check up on you, and you seemed appreciative. But then, slowly, you became more and more distant, _again,_ and she saw less and less of you.

She didn’t understand.

Nothing had _happened_ between the two of you. She carefully restrained her words in favor of not knowing how you felt. But then you stopped visiting. Stopped calling. Almost stopped texting altogether. And on the rare times she did see you, you were different. You had a melancholic air around you now, opposed to the bright one you used to carry with you.

She understood after what happened you might have been shaken up. Traumatized, even. She wanted to help. _Needed_ to. But you wouldn’t let her.

Kara wanted nothing more to see you smile genuinely again. To hear your laugh.

Today, she had decided she was tired of whatever game you were playing, and sent you a text telling you that she needed to talk with you. In person.

That was at noon.

You never replied.

That just made her worry all the more, and she thought about calling you, but decided to come to your house the next day if you still didn’t answer. Which, was the plan, up until that night.

She’s awakened by the sound of knocking; someone’s at the door.

She looks towards the clock on her nightstand. It’s 2AM.

The knocking sounds again. She gets out of bed, righting her clothes and smoothing down her hair as she goes towards the door.

Slowly, she opens it, expecting maybe Markus or possibly Connor. They were all involved in the fight for android rights, after all.

But, instead it’s…

_You?_

Your name spills from her lips in a voice just above a whisper. Your eyes are red and your cheeks are damp, and you wipe at them with your sleeve, which is counterproductive, as your clothes are drenched. Upon listening for a moment, she can hear the soft sound of rain outside the window. Your arms are wrapped around your waist as if you’re trying to hug yourself, avoiding eye contact. There’s definitely something wrong.

“Can… can I come in?” you ask quietly, still not looking up from the floor. Kara quickly steps aside.

“Of course,” she closes the door behind you, flicking on the lights and getting a better look at you. You had to have walked all the way here in the rain. “You’re soaking wet. You must be freezing. Let me get you a change of clothes.”

She turns and begins towards her room, but you grab her wrist.

“No…”

You whisper it, and she turns back around to look at you. You’re staring hard at the ground, and tears well up in your eyes.

“I… I’m so sorry…”

The hand that’s not holding on tightly to her wrist comes to your mouth, covering it as you cry. She gently takes herself out of your hold, grasping at your shoulders and attempting to pull you close but stopping when you pull away and shake your head.

“Hey…” she settles for aiding in wiping the tears off your face, her fingers lingering against the softness of your skin, “what is it, hm? You can tell me what’s wrong.”

“N- _No_ !” you protest, looking at her but only for a moment, “you’ll _hate_ me.”

You cry again, and Kara squeezes your shoulder, uncaring of the cold or wetness. She tilts your head up towards her, forcing you to look her in the face. “I would never hate you. No matter what.”

You seem to soften, if only the slightest bit. “You… you promise?”

“Yes,” Kara answers immediately, “I promise. Now, will you tell me what’s going on?”

“I…” you choke, taking a sharp inhale to continue. But, instead of proceeding, you pause, as if the breath is caught in your throat, your mouth still slightly parted. You stare deep into her eyes, _searching_ , and then your gaze flickers further down her face, and then you’re moving.

It takes her a second to realize what’s going on.

Your scent overwhelms her processors, and your hair is tickling her face.

There’s something soft on her lips.

 _You._ You’re…

You’re kissing her.

Quickly, she responds, pressing her lips back against your own, closing her eyes and beginning to reach for the back of your head to keep you close but she doesn't really have time because you pull back. It’s gentle and sweet and _ends all too soon._

You pull back harshly, gasping for breath, your eyes wide. “I’m so sorry, Kara, I didn’t mean to, I—”

Kara interrupts you. “No, no. It’s okay, it’s okay. Just… did that have to do with why you’re upset?”

You look downwards, hand coming up to grab at your shoulder nervously. “Yeah…” you murmur under your breath. She expects you to continue, to elaborate, but you don’t. She needs to understand, needs to know why you did what you did and refuses to let herself grow excited until she knows for sure.

“So what is it that you’re upset about?”

You look up at her in disbelief. “You really don’t know? After...” you gesture towards her lips, “ _that_?”

She only stays silent, forcing you to speak. “I…” you stutter, refusing to meet her gaze, “why else would I kiss you?”

You wait, apparently finding the floor immensely interesting. She still doesn’t speak, and you grip your arm in frustration. “You’re really gonna make me spell it out?” you ask, and Kara crosses her arms, giving you a look to which you sigh and respond, “okay, okay fine. I…”

You rake a hand through your hair, drop your arms to your sides, steady yourself. Your eyes still haven’t left the floor as they begin to become misty again.

“...I love you, Kara.”

In that moment, her thirium pump skips a beat. Her systems seem to slow as she tries to figure out if she heard you correctly. Your voice is hushed, and you say it so quiet that she barely catches it. _That_ is what you mean, right?

She doesn’t realize she’s lost in her thoughts until you speak again, even shakier than before. “More than a friend.”

You love her. _In that way._ In the same way she loves you. You want to be close to her, to kiss her, to spend every waking moment with her, just as she does with you.

She can’t believe this. There’s just no way…

“For how long?”

The question comes out choked, strained. You finally look up, a wistful smile gracing your face.

“Ever since I met you.”

If there was any doubt in her mind about her feelings about you, it’s all completely gone now. She’s sure. She _loves_ you.

“Can I kiss you again?”

You blink rapidly, your eyes widening. “Kiss me? Why…?

But you don’t protest as she closes the gap between you again, pressing her lips against yours passionately. You return with the same fervor, steadying yourself on her shoulders.

She pulls back slowly, reluctantly, and you’re completely dazed as she strokes your cheek lovingly. “See?” she says, not being able to keep a smile from spreading across her face, “was that so hard?”

She rests her forehead on yours, her blue eyes sinking into your own. “I love you too.” Your breathing hitches, and she adds, “ever since I met you.”

Disbelief is written all over your face but it quickly dissipates when she presses her lips against yours again, relishing in the softness of them and the feeling of them against her own. She tangles her hands in your hair, and as she does so, she realizes you’re shaking.

She pulls back again, and this time, you whine softly at the loss. An expression of amusement crosses her face at your reaction that quickly dissipates into fondness, and she drops her hands onto your arms.

“Let’s get you out of these clothes now, shall we?”

* * *

You were running.

You were running _away._ Fleeing. What from?

From your feelings. From…

Kara.

But no matter how hard you ran, no matter how far…

You could never escape yourself.

When did it start? You’re not really sure. All you know is that the first time you saw her, and saw her strikingly blue eyes and the pure, unfiltered _care_ and determination in them, you were wonderstruck. It sounds cliche, but… you swore time had stopped, if even just for a moment.

She was beautiful. _Is_ beautiful. You feel as though she has become even more so now that you know her more. With her tow-colored hair and her prepossessing blue eyes and her soft skin and her comforting smell of sweetness and what just smells like _home_ and her warm voice and endless love and care and her _smile_  and the _way she looks at you_ and the way she makes you feel like _nothing else matters_ and it’s _all going to be okay_ , and like _you’re worthy_ and _you’re worth it_ and _you matter_ and _you can keep going_ and—

 _You love her_. You were drawn to her from the beginning. From the first time you saw her, you thought you knew why it hadn’t worked out with anyone else. You wanted to get to know her, you wanted to grab on and never let go.

Is that what it feels like, love at first sight? Knowing that you’re damned from the start, but not caring because because you know that no matter what, they’re going to change your life?

Your feelings just grew stronger over time. You had heard of her, seen her face on the news, but never met her in person. And then she walked into your life, almost as if it was fate.

Alice is your cousin, and you adore her with every fiber of your being. But you didn’t live too close, and you slowly lost touch with her, especially after Anne left, and you became more focused on finding her. It made you feel _so fucking guilty_ and filled with _so much_ hatred for yourself, and every day since you found out what happened you regret your lack of strength and self discipline that you had back then.

You didn’t even know Todd _had_ an android. He'd always complain about how he lost his job to one, and the idea of him getting one would just be ridiculous. You and him were never on the best terms, if you’re being honest with yourself. Did you hate him? Not particularly. He’s your uncle—well, _was_ , as you don’t consider him family anymore after you found out _what he did_ —and you had known him forever. But you didn’t like the way he talked to Alice, even before your aunt died. He was always harsher on Alice than her, always wasn’t quite satisfied with her. In the end, that might’ve been the beginning of the end for their marriage, as you know that was a big part of their original fight.

Todd had a disgusting view of women, in your opinion. You’re not sure how Anne dealt with it for so long. He wasn’t so outright with it, but it was visible in his subtle actions and comments. And it was made clear when he cheated.

It was downhill until then, and even though Anne stayed for a little while longer, she cheated too. And she realized she deserved better, after meeting a better guy and five hours of you convincing her it was time for her to leave.

She cheated too. Slept with the new guy she met. You couldn’t fault her, though; you don’t think anyone could. At that point, it might not even be considered cheating. She told you how she thought she may be in love with him, but she wasn’t sure. And so… she gave Todd one last chance.

That night was the night that marked the beginning of your spiral.

She decided to sit him down and talk to him. To tell him if he didn’t make changes, she would leave. You think she was afraid of the change. She had loved Todd for the longest. You know he had convinced her that there was no one else out there who would love her, no, not like he did. Made her less self-confident, not like her old self at all. She had slowly gained some of it back, but there were still doubts in her mind. Those condemning what-ifs. She still loved him, even if it was just a little bit.

You’re not sure exactly what the fight was about, but you have your theories. Todd had always been irrational, believing only what he wanted to, and that quality only increased when he was mad. He hated being criticized, being called out. You knew it was a recipe for a disaster from the beginning, but you let it happen, because you thought it was the final step to closure for Anne.

And it would’ve been. _Should have_ been. Hell, maybe it _was._ But you’ll never know now. Because, at the heat of the fight, when Alice called you in hysterics, begging you to come help, and you sped over as fast as you could, but you…

You were too late.

Anne was gone. Alice was sobbing in the closet. Todd was upstairs, and you could hear a mix of cursing and crying.

Later, Alice explained to you that Anne planned to take her after the fight ensued, telling the little girl to quickly pack her bags while she continued arguing with Todd, although you’re sure now that at that point it was probably just a tactic of distraction. Alice wasn’t sure when Anne had actually left, but she knows Todd had threatened to bring out the shotgun (she was unsure if he actually did or not), and somewhere along those lines, Anne fled.

You’re sure she planned to come back for Alice. The little girl was one of the main reasons she stayed with Todd. But then…

She just disappeared. Almost out of thin air, it seemed.

You called her. You found out she left her phone. You asked the family about her. No one had heard from her. Drove around, asked her friends, asked the guy she messed around with, but…

No one knew.

The first time she contacted you was earlier this year. It was a phone called from a number you had never seen before, but you recognized her voice. It was her.

 _“I’m okay,_ ” she had said to you, in the midst of your surprise, _“everything is okay. I’m safe here. Tell Alice that I love her. Please keep her safe for me.”_

And then…

She hung up.

And that was the last you ever heard from the woman who used to be one of your closest friends.

You tried calling back. You continued your fervent search for her. You tipped off CPS about Todd, concerned for Alice's well being. But they did nothing. And then you slowly stopped visiting, and even the phone calls came to an end.

And then you saw Alice on the news.

She ran away, with the android. With Kara. And you were _stunned_.

You knew Todd was lying when he said his android attacked him out of nowhere. You knew there was a reason Alice ran.

You bursted into Todd’s house, confronted him. He had really let himself go. You told him you knew what he did. And he had beaten you  _h_ _ard_. You couldn’t even imagine what Alice had to go through.

From that day on, you were filled with a renewed vigor. You put Anne to the side and searched for Alice to no end. But your leads kept turning up empty, even when you got involved in the investigation. You had developed a different outlook on androids. Not that you ever really _disliked_ them, but then, you knew they weren’t just a string of code of ones and twos when Kara saved Alice. And you spoke out, joined the opposing side, got involved with Android rights organizations and protests. 

And then you lost your job.

You couldn't find Alice. Couldn’t find Anne. Made so many new enemies who _were_ your _friends_ just because of your stance. The guy who you were interested in included. Even your parents were disappointed in you as well.

You were alone. You felt worthless, powerless. You had failed at everything. At the peak of the revolution, when it seemed as though androids were destined for death and you were almost certain Alice was dead, you gave up.

You had always had _issues_ , had experiences that weighed you down and plagued you every day, and everything that was going on top of all that ended up just crushing you. You _broke_.

You started getting drunk every night. Going to parties, going clubbing. Hooked up with random people. You numbed yourself out. There wasn’t a night you can remember during that time that you spent by yourself.

A lot of it is a blur now. It’s hard to recall certain instances, certain people. They all just run together and fade into each other.

And then, two days after the standown with Markus, you found her.

Well, _she_ found _you,_ rather. You woke up from your drunken stupor to a knock at your door. You stumbled through your house, managing to sober yourself up enough, but you were completely so when you opened the door.

There stood Alice. Your beloved cousin who you had gone through so much with. After everything, right at your front door. And, behind her…

Kara. With a small smile on your face when your eyes met hers. And your heart melted.

That was the start of your journey to become human again.

Kara slowly became your best friend. She got a small house only a few minutes away from your house, where her and Alice resided. You managed to gain legal custody of Alice until Kara had the rights to do it herself, but you began visiting so much that eventually you practically lived there too.

Kara and Alice were attached at the hip. It took you awhile to regain Alice’s trust again, after you pretty much left her when she needed you most. You had to almost get to know her again, as after everything that had happened, she was a completely different person.

But, then again, so were you.

You got close again. And in turn, so did you and Kara. The way you treated and cared for Alice seemed to give her a special affinity for you, with her motherly bond with the little girl. It’s a common thing for mothers to fall in love with those who take care of their children, you've heard. Maybe it was something similar.

Either way, you begin to slowly let her in. You would stay over, and talk late in the night. When her and Alice would go out you’d tag along, and even though Alice was your younger cousin, it was like you had become her other mother alongside Kara.

The prospect occured to you only when Alice mentioned it. And the implied relationship between you and Kara from the statement had you blushing.

Kara had just given you a smile. An almost knowing one that caught you off guard. At that point, you were still in denial of your feelings.

Your life seemed to be looking up. You slowly got better, started to see the color in things again. You stopped drinking, stop partying. You got a new job, one that advocated for androids. You could look at yourself in the mirror again, could smile genuinely. And, after the longest time, you began to feel happiness again.

When Luther returned, though, things came to a halt.

Luther was someone you instantly clicked with. You enjoyed spending time with him. He had been abroad with Markus, campaigning and helping solidify Kara’s rights. He was so sweet, so gentle, and…

Just Kara’s type.

It didn’t take you too long to notice. You could tell by the small but lingering touches of her shoulder, the way he smiled at her, how he always laughed in her presence, how he tried to spend every free moment he had with her, and…

 _And the way he looked at her._ The way he looked at Kara was the way you felt about her.

_Like she was the ocean and you wanted to drown._

You understood then. And you started liking him less and less.

It wasn’t hard to see Kara felt the same way. She talked about him _so much,_ and would always smile in _that way_ when she did so. She was so affectionate around him, and they seemed to have some secret language that only the two of them understood.

Kara was the light of your life. She had helped you out of the darkest part of your life. One where you slowly killed yourself with each shot, but you didn’t care. And then, Kara made you want to live again. With her, you finally saw the light.

And, to see her feel that way towards someone else other than you, it…

It _absolutely_ devastated you.

You begin to revert back to your old habits again. You drowned your feelings in endless bottles of liquor, and would stay out late. You still enjoyed spending time with Kara, every minute of it, and you didn’t stop visiting. You couldn’t bring yourself to. You couldn’t keep yourself away from Kara, despite the fact that you were slowly collapsing in on yourself.

You thought you had become stronger. But when you begin to relapse again, after something so small, you realized just how fragile you still were. And, if you’re being honest with yourself, probably always will be.

You went back to the club. Kara knew you were out, but she was with Luther, and you wanted to give them some time alone. She was still worried though, for whatever fucking reason, and kept checking in on you, texting you throughout the night. You knew she had a knack for knowing when you were in one of your moods. She had gotten to know you very well, after all.

But you didn’t answer. Couldn’t. That night you were particularly emotional. And you just wanted to _forget._

You drank. And drank. And drank. You had become good friends with the bartender, and she was starting to get concerned for you, and when she asked you just broke.

You started crying. Couldn’t stop. You don’t think she really knew how to comfort you, but…

Then _he_ came into your life.

You had caught his eyes a few times that night while sitting at the bar, and when you started to crumple, he came over to you.

He was also friends with the bartender. He sat next to you, and when you looked up at him confusedly through your tears, he smiled sadly at you. He was attractive, and he seemed to take an interest in you. And even though you knew nothing about him or his intentions, in your state, you instantly felt an attachment to him.

“Let me guess… breakup?” he asked you, and you slowly shook your head, hiding your face from him in shame. “You guys had a fight?”

You shook your head again. That wasn’t it, not exactly. You’re not sure why you decided it was a good idea to spill everything out to him, but you don’t think you _were_ thinking. Your mind was clouded with liquor and you were desperate for any comfort and warmth you could get and you admitted everything to him.

“D-Doesn’t love me back…” you managed out in between your sobs, wiping your eyes. Your makeup must’ve been a mess as you continued to smear it in an attempt to stop your tears, but… he didn’t care.

He frowned, slowly reaching out for you. He took his sleeve and cleaned the remaining tears off your face himself, and you, surprised by his actions, managed to temporarily stop your crying.

“Then he must be fucking blind,” he said to you, “to not recognize how beautiful you are.”

Him. He thought you had a boyfriend. No, you were crying over a girl. A girl that was the most important person in your life.

It almost made you irritated, but you didn’t have the energy. Instead, you clung to the compliment, to the affection, and tears welled up in your eyes once again when you flung yourself at him, burying your face in his shirt and crying your sorrows out onto him.

And he didn’t mind. He embraced you back, stroked at your hair with one hand and rubbed your back with the other.

“I know,” he whispered to you, “just let it out.”

And you did. You grasped at his shirt to prevent yourself from screaming because of the pain you felt. It was like all the trauma and all the pain was choking you, and it was getting so hard to breathe. You could feel the pain in your chest as you heaved, and it just made you cry harder.

You don’t know how long it took you to calm down. But you did eventually. You were reduced to just tears, and he gently pulled you back.

“Better now?” he asked you, and you wiped at your eyes again, shrugging. “Come on,” he said, “let’s get out of here.”

He didn’t even know your name. He took you home with him, and you didn’t care what happened. You needed this. Needed an escape; a distraction. Anything to forget about the pain.

His house was nice. It wasn’t anything like Kara’s, and you found yourself liking that. He sat you down, gave you some water and a blanket when you began to shiver, and you started to talk.

You were still in denial of your feelings. But you were drunk, and at that point it didn’t matter to you anymore, and you told him almost everything. Minus the fact that Kara was an android. _And_ that she was a girl.

 _“_ I’m sorry,” he told you, stroking your cheek. You closed your eyes, leaning into the feeling. “You deserve so much better than that, sweetheart. You’re a gem, and if he can’t recognize that, it’s his problem, not yours.”

Your eyes fluttered open when you felt his breath against your face. “There are plenty of guys out there that would treat you like you deserve to be treated. And that’s like a fucking queen.”

You managed a small smile. “Would you treat me like that? _"_ you asked him. You didn’t really like him like that. But you were drunk and you were sad and he was promising you a good time and you didn’t care.

“Of course,” he traced his fingers against your jawline, “I’ll make you forget all about that douche.” A small smile. Suggestive. “That is, if you’ll let me.”

You nodded. You wanted to feel good.

And then he kissed you, pulling you close to him, and you started making out with him. He picked you up, hooking your legs around his waist, pushing you up against the wall where he partially undressed you. And then you were carried to his bedroom, and you had sex.

You think you imagined he was Kara at some points, and that got you off faster. But you also remember starting to cry, and he pushed your head into the pillow and fucked you until you couldn’t think about it anymore.

You didn’t keep count how many times you went at it with him. But you knew it was a great escape. At some point, he had fucked you so hard that you had fallen asleep, and you it felt so good to just let yourself drift.

You woke up warm, but also to about seventeen missed calls. Three from Luther and the rest from Kara.

“Shit,” you cursed, springing up and immediately regretting it, a sharp pain coursing through your head and through most of your body.

He stirred against you, sitting up as well, his arm still wrapped around your torso.

“Mm, what’s wrong beautiful?” he reached up and turned your face to his, kissing you briefly. Even though you loved the touch and the affection, with the remaining alcohol in your stomach and the situation and the fact that you just wanted Kara to hold you at this point, you felt a little sick to your stomach.

“Nothing,” you feigned composure, flashing a smile that you hoped was believable, “I just have somewhere I need to be.”

“So early?” He buried his face in your neck, kissing you there. You wished you could’ve gave in and let yourself go again, but you knew you needed to get back. And you wanted to see Kara.

“Mm-hm,” you hummed, slowly prying his arms off your body. He looked at you, stroking a thumb on the skin of your shoulder.

“I never got your name.”

You brushed some hair out of your face and told him, to which he replied his. You began to get up, but he grabbed his phone and caught your wrist.

“At least let me get your number first,” he said, and you happily obliged. You had countless one night stands, sometimes seeing one person a second or third time, but not usually. It was easier when you weren’t attached to them. But you liked the way he made you feel. Like you were special, and you loved that he made you feel cared for. And, not to mention, he was good in bed. And good sex was the best distraction from your pain that you had found.

You got up and pulled your clothes on, messing with your appearance until you looked decent, and he agreed to take you home, as you had left you car at the club. Or, to Kara’s house. It didn’t matter though, because Chelsie would drive it back home for you. You would tend to give her your keys when you knew you would go home with someone.

You reluctantly went through your texts during the ride. Luther had texted you a few times, mostly asking you if you were okay and that Kara and Alice were worried and so was he and he told you he was there if you needed to talk. You rolled your eyes at that. It was selfish, the grudge you held against him, but you didn’t care at the time. Alice had texted you a lot, having gotten a phone after Kara deemed it a good idea. The reality of what you did started to sink in then, and then the guilt began to creep back in.

 

_Alice <3 _

_10:07 PM_  

_Are you okay?_

 

_Alice <3 _

_10:34 PM_

_Kara’s really worried_

 

_Alice <3 _

_11:00 PM_

_You’re scaring me_

 

_Alice <3 _

_11:24 PM_

_Please say something_

 

You raked your hand through your hair. You’re so fucking selfish. How could you do that to Alice? Especially after everything. She deserves so much better than you. God, you’re so fucking _stupid_ and so fucking _selfish._

Swallowing hard, you went to see what Kara had texted. You almost smiled at the name you had in your contacts for her. After Alice had made the statement about the both of you being like your moms and Kara subsequently joking about it with you, you changed her contact name.

 

_Wifey_

_9:59 PM_

_Hey, I know you’ve been feeling kind of down lately. I don’t mean to be annoying but I really care about you, so please promise me you’ll stay safe tonight, okay?_

 

You grimaced. The fact that she didn’t feel the same way as you wasn’t her fault. You were such a bitch.

 

_Wifey_

_10:10 PM_

_Can you tell me which club you’re at? If something happens I want to be able to get to you easily._

 

_Wifey:_

_10:27 PM_

_Please tell me you didn’t do anything stupid._

 

The next message just contained your name. And then after that another one that pleaded with you to tell her you were okay. You sighed at yourself.

 

_Wifey_

_10:55 PM_

_I know you might need space and I respect that, but please just let me know you’re doing okay._

 

_Wifey_

_11:00 PM_

_I’m gonna start calling._

 

She called at least five times after that.

 

_Wifey_

_11:18 PM_

_Please pick up._

 

Another six calls.

 

_Wifey_

_11:32_

_I’m really worried about you._

 

Another three calls.

The next message was just your name again, and then she called three more times. Once this morning, which was what you woke up to.

You weren't sure what to do. Doing what you did was just so… mean. So self-centered and dumb and just…

Kara didn’t deserve to be treated like this. And neither did Alice, especially. She wasn’t even involved.

Why were you like this?

In the end, you realized you were only a few minutes away, and you just sent four words.

 

_You_

_7:27 PM_  

_I’m on my way_

 

He let you out in front of the house. “I had fun last night,” he told you, and you numbly replied.

“Me too,” you said, eager to get this over with so you could assure everyone you were fine.

“Call me?” he asked. You nodded.

“I will.”

And then you said your goodbyes, and you took a deep breath as you walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.

It was opened by Kara. She instantly pulled you into her arms, squeezing you tightly. You felt your eyes water.

“Never, _ever_ do that again, okay?!” she demanded, pulling you back and putting her hands on your face. You were already drowning in your guilt. You shouldn’t have done that. You just wanted to cuddle up to Kara for the rest of the day.

“I won’t,” you promised, and you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore, “I’m sorry…”

She sighed, pulling you inside and holding you tight. Alice came downstairs and joined the hug as well, whispering to you.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized to _you,_ and you felt your heart break. “Please don’t ever leave again,” she said your name, and the tears fell faster, “I love you.”

You used to believe strongly in keeping your word. When you made a promise, you didn’t break it.

You weren’t that person anymore.

You were better about keeping Kara updated after that for a while, but then, on that one stupid fucking day, everything completely fell apart.

The day you spent the night like you so often did, drinking hot chocolate with Kara and sleeping on her shoulder for hours, the day when you woke up and she wasn’t there, the day when you got up and your suspicions were confirmed completely when you rounded the corner.

It was the day when you saw Luther and Kara kissing.

And then, you couldn’t take it anymore.

You called your _kind of boyfriend but more friend with benefits_ again. You came to him, crying. You were sure Kara didn’t know you caught her and Luther, and so of course she was worried again when you randomly disappeared and didn’t say anything. Again.

That time, though, you didn’t come back.

You stayed out all night, fucked all night, let yourself go. You got so drunk you couldn’t even remember anything after taking your clothes off.

You texted Kara back eventually with a half-assed apology. You think she started to get the message that you wanted distance.

You felt bad for a while. You still couldn’t keep yourself away and kept going over there. You needed the comfort. When you weren’t working you were drinking. Partying. Having sex. Kissing random guys even though you were becoming more and more positive you liked girls after your feelings for Kara.

The cycle went on for what felt like forever. You were coasting, waiting for the day when you finally collapsed after pumping yourself full of poison and overworking your body. Kara would sometimes try to visit you at work, but more often than not you would run away. The first time she did it, when you saw her you fled to the bathroom and cried your eyes out. That was when you started sneaking flasks into work with you.

You honestly didn’t have the money for the life you were living anymore. You were burning it all out on alcohol. But you didn’t care. You couldn’t stop.

And slowly, it started to feel like you could deal with your feelings. Your visits were less frequent and you would spend more of your time with Alice, but you were getting good at dealing with the void that had been gnawing at you.

You knew Kara was worried. You knew they all were. Somewhere in yourself you felt bad for what you were doing. You knew it was selfish. You didn’t want to hurt Kara. Nor Alice, and… not even Luther.

But you _couldn’t stop._

And you probably wouldn’t have, if it weren’t for that night.

There were a lot of _“that_ night”s and _“that_ day”’s, but this one was the worst.

You drank, but not that much. Now, you’re convinced that your “boyfriend” or whatever the _fuck_ he was to you drugged you, because you know didn’t drink enough to be _that_ fucked up.

You had really been missing Kara that day. You felt yourself slowly being worn down, slowly missing the life you had with her, slowly wanting it back and slowly pulling away from the party-drink-sex-work cycle that you had been going through for what felt like forever. You had a rare moment of clarity when you were sober that morning when you were looking through old texts you had with Kara. It was a small thought with not that much force behind it and you didn’t at all think of the repercussions, but, for just a moment, you felt hopeful again.

What if you could go back to the way things were? What if you explained it all, and… it all ended up okay? What if things could go back to the way they used to, when Kara had made you see the light in your life again? When you were happy?

You cried a little. You knew it wasn’t possible, that you couldn’t do that, but…

The thought still followed you throughout the day.

It scared you, and you tried to chase it out with vodka. You had found your new home at your boyfriend’s (at that point… that _was_ what you considered him) although it was nothing like Kara’s. It didn’t feel like home, but he filled the void in your life quite nicely.

Not that night, though.

You were tipsy and you’re _stupid_ when you’re tipsy, and like the idiot you are, you mentioned the thought of returning to your old life.

Obviously, he didn’t like that.

For the first time, you weren’t in the mood that night, and didn’t respond to his advances. He backed off and you thought everything was fine, he said that you could just drink together and talk about whatever, but then you started feeling more and more heavy and the room began to spin and you found yourself falling onto the bed and barely able to move.

You knew something was wrong when he got on top of you. You didn’t even drink that much. And despite whatever the hell he put in your drink your thoughts were still spinning. You think that the alcohol used to block out your past memories when you were hooking up with random strangers. And then, when you weren’t drunk to the point where you couldn’t even remember your last name, it was like you were slowly going back in the past.

You felt his hands pulling off your leggings. You tried to tell him to hold on, but either you weren’t coherent or he ignored you.

And suddenly what was supposed to be your boyfriend became everyone else who tried to hurt you.

 _“Stop_ it!” you begged when his fingers entered you, and his other hand reached for his belt buckle. You struggled as best as you could, but he was so much stronger than you, and there was little you could do.

You started to panic. Hyperventilate. This couldn’t be happening. He loved you, he cared about you. For more than your body. He was supposed to take care of you. Be what you couldn’t have.

But you realized then you were _so wrong_. You had diluted yourself into thinking such fucking bullshit. Of _course_ he didn’t love you. All the two of you did was fuck. You think maybe he cared about you in the beginning but he started getting more and more dismissive of you when you tried to talk about shit and so then you stopped. And even though you made excuses for him when he was just a little too rough with you or when he brought you down or when he urged you more and more to push other people out of your life and just focus on him, in that moment, when you felt yourself drifting from your body, you understood.

You were in love with Kara. It wasn’t some stupid little crush. You _loved_ her. And you still did. And even though she might be starting to hate you now and things will be so fucked up you didn’t even _care,_  you just wanted to go _back._ Just wanted to see her face, hear her laugh, see her smile, have her _hold_ you just _one more time_ …

You were jerked back into reality when he entered you. And it _hurt_. You struggled, and his hand was on your throat. And suddenly he was Todd, beating you, and he was the guy who had pushed you up against the wall and fucked you when you told him you had to go and you couldn’t _do_ this the first time you decided to fuck away your feelings and you were _nervous_ and that one guy a year ago who stuck his hands up your shirt and _oh god_ you _weren’t read_ y and you _didn’t_ _want_ it and _who was even on top of you why was he doing this he wasn’t supposed to be here you thought you were safe you—_

You _screamed._ You kicked him between the legs and pushed him out of you and then kicked him again and stumbled off the bed. He bent over in pain, cursing under his breath, and you grabbed your clothes, pushing yourself to your feet and getting the hell out of the building.

You _ran._  All you were wearing was your shirt and you were naked from the waist down but you didn’t care, you just had to _get away._

Your feet get scratched up and you saw some blood and you slipped and fell a couple of times and fucked up your legs but you kept going. You only stopped when you were sure you were far away enough, slipping on your pants and then continuing.

You looked around. You didn’t know where you were. It was dark and you're a young woman and you were  _alone_ and it was  _night,_ and you were terrified.

You began towards a highway, deeming it the most safe place, and then you remembered you had your phone. You scrolled through your contacts anxiously, the text blurring together, but you knew there was really only one person you could call. You were alone. You had pushed everyone else away.

You just wanted to see her again. Have her arms around you, have her hold you…

 _“Kara,”_ you whimpered when she picked up. You could hear the surprise in her tone when she said your name but you only sobbed in response.

“Hey, hey,” she soothed you, “breathe, alright? What’s going on?”

“H-H-He…” you cried harder, looking behind you and wrapping your free arm around yourself tightly. “H-He… I didn’t _want_ it, I c-couldn’t do it tonight… he gave me _something_ and e-everything is blurry and-and—”

“Where are you?” she asked, and you could hear shuffling in the background and you could tell she was getting up. You sobbed, trying peer through your tears to look around you.

“I-I don’t _know!_ ” you cried in frustration, forcing yourself up and walking aimlessly until you found a street sign. You gave her the name.

“I’m on my way,” she said, “are you safe right now?”

“I think,” you sniffled, glancing around you again. No one was there. Just you and the cars passing in front of you. You stood back in the shadows so none of them could actually see you.

“Hold tight, okay? I’ll be there in less than ten.”

She talked to you until she was there, and you had crumpled to the ground, burying your head in your knees and putting the phone on speaker as your weeped into your arms.

You were shaking, you were freezing, and you were scared and _alone_ and it hurt. And then, Kara said, “I see you”, and you paused.

She hung up. A car pulled over in front of you.

And then, she stepped out, and there she was. Your savior. Your light. Your world. Her face fell when she saw you and she rushed towards you, helping you to your feet and into the car.

You spent the majority of the ride crying, only getting out fragments of sentences. She helped you out and inside the house and you quieted yourself, not wanting to wake Alice, as you knew she’d be sleeping by then.

She sat you down on the couch, and you stared blankly at the floor. She left briefly, mentioning getting you clothes. It was weird being back there again, after you hadn’t really came over for a while, but it felt so good and so natural and you found yourself never wanting to leave.

“Come on,” she said when she was back, helping you pull your shirt over your head. She helped you up and you leaned on her when you climbed out of your pants, pulling on the ones she gave you and then slipping on the sweater.

You only noticed then the damp cloth in her hand, and sat back down when she dabbed at your face with it. She wiped away your tears, a solemn look on her face, and your heart hurt.

She cleaned up the cuts you had got stumbling and falling when trying to get away. She offered you a shower, but you didn't have the energy, and you knew if you were alone you’re just going to break down again. And…

You wanted to be with her.

“...Okay,” she said, almost confused. You didn’t realize you said it out loud.

And she let you cuddle up to her even after not talking to her for months. Stroked your hair, whispered sweet nothings to you in the darkness.

You were so warm, but nothing could shake the chill of the guilt that gripped you tightly. You had put Kara through _so much_ shit. You ignored her one day and then cuddled with her under a blanket the next. You were distant and then you were confiding in her, you were spending the night over there and then you wouldn't come around again for days and you know you had hurt her. She was worried about you, and you didn’t care. You kept slowly killing yourself, even though you knew it was killing her too.

But, every time, without fail, Kara pulled through for you.

You didn’t understand. Why did she put up with you? She had nothing to gain. She had Luther. She had Alice. You were just a burden, inconsistent and confusing, and all you did was give her unnecessary stress and pain.

Why did she still care about you?

“Kara…”

You couldn’t take the guilt anymore. You had to voice it.

“Why are you always there for me?”

She stopped. Froze. You knew you were treading in hot water but you were sad and scared and lonely and still fucked up from whatever that fucking dick slipped you and you didn’t care.

She didn’t reply. You sat up.

You wanted to see her face.

“...Because I care about you,” she answered after another few beats of silence, and by her expression, you could tell that she meant it. Despite everything, she cared about you.

And you felt yourself overcome with love for her. You thoughts stopped spinning. For a moment, just for a moment, it was just you and her.

You stroked her cheek gently. Her skin was soft. Her eyes were soft, too.

 _Kara,_ was all that you were thinking about. And the words came to your lips before you could come back to your senses and stop them.

“I wish…” you whispered, “that you and I could be together.”

Why did things have to be the way they were?

You wanted to change it. You were going to. Fuck it. What did you have to lose anymore?

Still in whatever trance you were in, you began to close the space between your faces until you lips almost grazed against hers. You loved Kara. You wanted her. Your gaze went down to her lips and you were so, _so close_ to just finally kissing her.

But then you realized what you were doing. You couldn’t do this. Not after everything that happened. Not after everything you’d done.

You were dirty, stained with fingerprints, and you were a disaster. Kara deserved better than you. This had to stop. _You_ had to stop.

You retreated, falling back onto her chest. Kara hesitated before beginning to run her hand through your hair again, and you maneuvered yourself so that she couldn’t see your face as you cried yourself to sleep.

You slept better in her arms than you had in months.

When you woke up, you felt sick. You were still curled up next to Kara, and you wished you had time to savor it, but you quickly got up and ran to the bathroom, emptying the contents of your stomach into the sink.

You breathed heavily, splashing water on your face. You felt so shitty. Everything hurt and you were so tired and you just wanted to sleep forever. God, you were so fucked up. Everything was so fucked up.

You left a note saying that you had to leave. And then you went home, selfishly relieved that you didn’t have to face Alice.

And as soon as you were inside your house, you fell to the ground and you cried.

Almost as hard as you cried the previous night. Except this time you really were alone.

You were so stupid. So, so fucking stupid. You had everything and you threw it all away because you were jealous.

You hated yourself.

You stopped visiting altogether. You went months without seeing Kara or talking to her at all. Danced with strangers until your body was numb. You couldn’t bring yourself to have sex again after what happened but you filled the time with other things. You worked yourself until you started falling asleep out of exhaustion and you were forced to go home. You knew you shouldn’t have drank but you did anyway. You’re not sure how long you stayed in the comfort of your home, drinking yourself sick, but it had to at least have been a week.

The last two days of it, you were sober. You let yourself think. It was painful, being alone with yourself and _your_ _fucking thoughts,_ but after that moment of sober clarity the week prior, something in you had changed.

Little by little, you could feel tiny pieces of your old self and your old thoughts creeping back into you.

And you made your decision.

You had fallen. You were at rock bottom. You didn’t have anything to lose anymore. You needed the closure and somehow you had the feeling that even if it all went wrong, it would be okay. You had yourself and you still would have Alice and even if you were fucked up and you _hated_ it, despite everything, it’s still _you._ Maybe you could hold on for a little longer. Maybe, just maybe…

You could start crawling out of the hole you had fallen into.

You got yourself together. Took a shower, brushed your teeth, put on clean clothes. Made yourself up even though you knew it would get messed up. You took a deep breath. Looked yourself in the mirror.

_It’s going to be okay._

You nodded to yourself, a sad smile spreading across your lips. You would be okay.

And then, after roughly a month of staying away…

You left for Kara’s.

* * *

You feel high, on cloud nine. You can’t believe this is happening. You must be dreaming, right? There’s no way this can be real life. There’s no way that the absolute love of your life, the woman of your dreams, the person you’ve been waiting for your whole life… there’s no way Kara loves you back. Not in the way that you love her. Not after what you’ve done.

But she kisses you, and runs her hands through your hair, and takes you back to her bedroom. She comes out of the bathroom with a towel in her hands and a long, oversized shirt of hers you’ve seen her wear before. A smile graces your lips as she wraps the fabric around you caringly, handing you the clothes. She glances at your damp hair, running a hand through it, stopping when her hand gets caught in a tangle.

“You may want to shower,” she comments, tracing the outline of your jaw before lowering her hand back to her side. “I wouldn’t want you to get sick.”

You nod. “Yeah, that’d probably be a good idea…” you mumble, looking back down at the clothes. You don't really feel like it, though. Not now. You want to talk more with her, to be close to her, touch her in ways you couldn’t before. “I will. Later.”

“Alright.” She agrees, satisfied, flashing you a small smile before leaving for you to get dressed. You watch her go, hesitating before to peeling off your wet shirt. It’s not that you feel uncomfortable with her, in fact, it’s quite the opposite, but… even though she’s outside, and you know she won’t come in, it’s still… nerve-wracking to be getting undressed with her so close.

You ignore the feeling, placing the towel on the bed and lying your shirt on top of it. You don’t realize how cold you’ve been until now, having gotten the icy fabric off of your skin, and absently rub your hands over your arms. Next to go are your pants, going on the towel with your shirt. Before putting on the clothes Kara lended, you pause and run your hands fleetingly over your chest, feeling the fabric of your bra. It’s wet, too. You take it off.

It’s just you and Kara. It doesn’t matter.

Luckily, your jeans protected your panties, and now you begin getting dressed. You pull the shirt over your head, the soft, dry fabric against your skin instantly giving you a feeling of comfort. Kara provided you with a pair of loose pants as well, but you decide not to put them on, not feeling the need. It’s fairly warm in her house, anyway. It’s something that’s always been kinda comforting to you. Makes it feel like…

Home.

Wrapping the towel around your drenched clothes, you walk out. You find Kara in the kitchen, making you a cup of warm tea. The corners of your lips pull upwards.

She senses your presence, stopping and glancing back at you. There’s something that flashes in her gaze when she sees you, but it’s gone as soon as it came.

“Better?” she asks, approaching you and taking the towel out of your hands. You hum.

“Better.”

She walks to the laundry room and tosses the clothes in the washing machine before returning back to you, picking up the cup and handing it to you.

“Your favorite,” she says, brushing her fingers against yours when you take it, “thought it might warm you up a bit.”

“Thank you.” You cup it in your hands, holding it closer to your body. The heat feels nice. You look unheedingly at the liquid in side.

You see her smile at you affectionately and look back up at her. The care in her eyes as she looks at you, it... makes your heart flutter.

“Come on,” she prompts you, touching your shoulder, “let’s go sit down.”

You head into the living room, taking a seat on the couch, and she sits next to you. You fidget with your hands, tapping them on the glass of the cup in your hands. You certainly have some questions for Kara, and you’re sure she has some for you, too.

“Why did you stop coming over?” she asks before you can say anything, and you feel your breath get caught in your throat. The way she looks at you, the concern in her eyes, it makes it all hurt even more.

“I don’t know…” you say truthfully. It wasn’t for a particular reason. You guess, after you practically confessed your feelings and said them out loud and made them real and _accepted_ them, you… “I just _couldn’t_ anymore.”

“So…” she begins, crossing her legs, “I didn’t do anything?”

“No!” you shake your head, causing some water droplets to fall onto her face. “Sorry,” you apologize, quickly wiping them off, “no, you didn’t do anything. It was me. It was my fault…”

“What changed?”

You blink, a quick succession of images flashing through your head. Kara notices your distress and places her hand on top of yours, giving it an encouraging squeeze, and you take a deep breath.

“I saw you and Luther kissing,” you admit, and her eyes go wide, and aren’t they still together? You’re afraid to hear the answer and you continue hastily, “I loved you for so long, and… it broke me. I couldn’t accept that you loved someone other than me. That’s when I started drinking and partying again, and I met…” You swallow hard. You know she knows who you mean. _"T_ _hat_ night, I… I couldn’t run from myself anymore. I needed to tell you. It was too much to keep to myself anymore.

“But then, when I woke up, I was afraid of how you would react. I was fucked up from whatever the hell that he gave me and I could pass it off as that but… I knew I couldn’t deal with you questioning me about it then. I couldn’t stand the thought of you rejecting me. So… I started running again.”

The pain in her eyes is clear. She reaches up and brushes the tears from your face.

“I’m so sorry, Kara,” you whisper. She shakes her head.

“No, I’m sorry.” You stare at her. You don’t understand. “I should’ve known something was up that day when you took off. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder for you.”

You blink more tears out of your eyes. They fall onto Kara’s fingers.

“Luther and I… we were never really together,” she explains, and… _what?_ What is she talking about? “He kissed me, that day. I guess… I didn’t mind it, I _do_ love him, but…” she _smiles_ at you, and it’s full of pure, unadulterated _love,_ and you stop breathing. “I always loved you. I told him that, and even though I know it really hurt him, he accepted it. We’re just friends. Always have been, always will be.”

The event originally that sent you off the deep end. That sparked all of this. It...

_Was just a misunderstanding?_

You start to laugh, at the absurdity of all of it. At your foolishness. You can’t help it. It’s just… so stupid. You’re so _stupid._

But you’re also so _happy_. Finally, _finally,_  after everything…

You can be with her. She _loves_ you. She _has,_ she…

You pull her close and _you kiss her._ It’s the longest kiss you’ve shared so far, full of happiness and passion and so much love and _you love her so fucking much._

When you come apart you’re smiling. Her hand is still on your cheek, cupping it in her palm. She’s smiling too.

“You’re so beautiful,” she says suddenly, in such a way that you know it’s just a passing thought that she had to voice. You know how that feels. Heat rushes to your face.

“No I’m not,” you disagree, “you’re perfect.”

She strokes your skin with her thumb. “You are,” she insists, “and you’re perfect. Perfect for me.”

You lean into her touch, bringing your hand up and placing it on top of hers.

“I love you,” you say, the words slipping off your tongue so sweetly, “I love you, Kara.”

She pulls you in for another kiss. It’s more soft than last time, but you can feel ardor behind it.

“I love you too,” she says, drawing back too quickly for your liking. So you pull her back to you again, against your lips, and this time, she stays.

You fall backwards onto the couch as she pushes you onto it, feeling Kara’s arms plant themselves beside your head to keep herself up. You let out all of the emotions you have been harboring towards her into the kiss, your hands grasping at her hair. She kisses you back with the same fervor, her chest pressing against yours, your heartbeats banging up against each other. She licks your lips apart, your tongue brushing against hers, and she feels like honey on your lips. She retracts to bite your lip gently, pulling at the skin ever so slightly before releasing it.

You’re both gasping for breath when you come apart. She strokes your face lovingly, her fingers lingering. “You’re so warm,” she comments, her hand making its way to your forehead where she flattens the back of it against you. “Your temperature is running high,” you detect a teasing tone in her voice, “are you feeling alright?”

You manage a half-hearted glare, to which she laughs breathlessly at. Your hand comes up to her face, and she goes serious again, looking deep into your eyes. You can see the care in them, the affection, but, also something else. Something you’ve never seen before.

And it only sparks you further to voice your thoughts.

“Kara,” you say her name, and hear her breath hitch at your tone, “I want you.”

A blush tints her face. Cute. You didn’t know androids could blush. “R-Right now?”

“Yes,” you breathe, your fingers already beginning to work on unbuttoning her blouse.

She continues to gaze at you. “Are you sure?” she asks, momentarily stopping your working hands. “Because, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I’m not going to force you.”

You can feel tears gathering in your eyes again. For some reason, that declaration makes your walls completely crash, and…

It makes you sure of yourself. You want this. You want her.

“I want to do this,” you say softly, blinking away your tears, “but… do you?”

“I have for the longest time,” she admits, letting go of your hands and letting you continue to work her shirt off as she begins on your clothing as well. “You have no idea.”

You take off her blouse, letting it fall to the ground, and you can’t help but admire her beauty. Kara never found the need to wear bras, and as android, you understood that. You touch at her bare stomach, amazed at the smoothness of it. Her chest rises and falls evenly as you bring your hands up further, up to the place that is right now the most lovely to you. You begin to slowly massage the ample skin, and Kara sighs, placing a palm atop of yours as you cup her breasts.

“You’re beautiful,” you say breathlessly, an echo of her words to your earlier. She looks at you through glazed over eyes, and the next thing you know she’s back on your lips.

She breaks the kiss prematurely in favor of pressing her lips down your neck, trailing down your to your chest, where she brushes her hands over, slipping them under your shirt and coming up to your breasts.

You let out a broken gasp as she circles your nipples with the pad of her fingertips, gently pulling at them before she continues downwards.

Her palms scrape against your stomach as she positions herself between your legs, pulling up the shirt above your hips, and you’re exposed to her and _holy shit this is really happening—_

She caresses your inner thigh, and you shiver. Her fingers dance across your skin as they continue upwards, upwards, upwards…

You gasp, jolting when she suddenly presses her fingers into your clit.

She begins slow, deliberate circles, and you bite your lip. You notice her watching your reactions closely, her eyes half-lidded and dark.

“You know…” she begins, teasing her fingers along your folds, “I was designed for the sole purpose of taking care of humans…”

The finger slips inside. You draw in a shaky breath.

“I know every part, every single crevice of the female body,” she adds a second finger, “each spot that provides the most pleasure,” another, “every place that makes you squirm…”

Her fingers _curl_ inside of you, and you can’t help the moan that escapes from your lips.

“And I know _exactly_ how to make you scream.”

She takes on a faster, harder pace, brushing her thumb along your clit as she presses into you. You feel sweat gather on the back of your neck, and you begin to move your hips in time with her fingers. It’s good, so _good,_  but you want _more_ — _need_ more. You _need_ her.

You whimper when she bites down on your neck, sucking the sensitive skin between her teeth, and the prospect of her marking you as her own only makes you more hot.

She returns to your chest, pushing up your shirt the rest of the way with her free hand, and then her mouth is on your nipple, swirling her tongue around hardened peak. You grasp at her hair as she switches to the other, grazing it with her teeth and before latching onto it and pulling it back.

You twitch, sighing a moan that’s cut off when she goes _faster_ , only stopping to curl her fingers inside of you before starting again.

“You’re getting close,” she notes, and you feel her breath on your chest, “I can feel you tighten around my fingers.”

Her fingers work you perfectly, winding the coil of tension inside of you tighter and tighter with each thrust of her fingers and each flick of your clit, and…

“Come on, baby,” she urges you, and the pet name starts to tip you over the edge, “come for me.”

And then you become undone, your back straightening and your thighs twitching as she focuses most of her attention on your clit, the whines falling from your lips steadily now, your voice rising and breaking as you climax.

“That’s it,” you distantly hear Kara say as she helps you ride out your orgasm, biting the shell of your ear as you shake with the intensity of the waves of pleasure that crash over you.

When you come down, panting heavily, you feel unusually empty when Kara takes her fingers out of you, but in the next second she’s dropped down in between your legs, spreading them apart.

“What are y—”

“I want to taste you while you come,” she says, her breath cooling the wetness of your core. She nips at your thighs and you stiffen, your body still sensitive from your recent climax.

She presses a kiss against your clit and you turn your head into the couch, squeezing your eyes shut. She licks a stripe against your dripping folds, her grip on your legs tightening when you shudder and instinctively try to close them.

“Open your eyes, love.”

Your eyes flutter open at her request, meeting her lustful gaze that sends heat between your legs. Satisfied, she licks you again, gliding her tongue along your slit and cleaning up the remnants of her prior accomplishment.

_“Fuck—”_

Kara pulls back, replacing her mouth with her fingers, and _smirks_ at you.

“Good girls don’t curse.”

You blink, surprised at her darker tone, but you don’t have time to linger on it, because your mind goes blank when she slips her fingers back inside of you, going rougher than before. You tangle your hands in her hair, gripping tightly as she eats you out as if she had done it a million times before. Your toes curl when she latches her lips around your clit, sucking and rolling her tongue over it, and you can’t help but grind your hips in time with her and _fuck_ you’re going to come again—

You’re overstimulated, and a buzz of pain lingers behind the pleasure but it only serves to make you more tight and more eager to come as you chase it, riding Kara’s fingers and whining at the wetness of her tongue massaging your clit.

Your chest heaves as you feel a yourself reaching second orgasm already, the simple sight and idea of Kara in between your legs being enough to bring you there. Your skin prickles, and your back lifts off the couch, and your thighs try to close again at your cresting pleasure but Kara holds them in place, pinning them to the bed, and then she goes knuckles deep inside of you and does that _thing_ where she curls her fingers and makes a stroking “come here” motion and then you’re crying out her name.

“Don’t stop,” you gasp, digging your nails into her scalp, “I’m so _close—_ ”

You practically squeal when she does it again, her teeth ever so slightly brushing against your clit and you’re gone, your vision going white as you try desperately to get more air through shuddering breaths that you’re denied because of your clenching abdomen and you’re sent into a state of such intense pleasure it’s almost painful.

Kara only lets up when you’ve completely reached your end, slowly pulling her fingers out of you, and when you manage to open your eyes, you feel yourself tightening again at the sight of her lips and fingers completely drenched in your fluids.

“Kara…”

She crawls back up to you, bringing her fingers up in front of your face. She separates them, the strings of your essence hanging from the digits. Your face burns.

“You made such a mess,” she comments idly, and then she dips her fingers inside your mouth.

She watches you closely as you take a long lick from her palm to the tip of her pointer finger before doing the same to her other two digits, cleaning them of yourself completely. She pulls her fingers out of your mouth and you release them with a satisfying _pop._ You notice she’s breathing heavily too, and she seemed to like feeling your mouth on her skin.

“How are you feeling?” she asks, softening despite the persistence of lust in her gaze, and she smoothes out your messy hair.

“Amazing,” you say truthfully, smiling in pure contentment.

Her head sways to the side. “Tired?”

You catch her drift, and you sit up slightly, using the arm of the couch as leverage.

“Not at all.”

“Good,” she says, and then she gets a tight hold on you and lifts you. You cry out, grabbing onto her quickly, and she grins at you deviously. “Because I’m not quite done with you yet.”

She carries you to her bedroom, and lightly sets you down on her bed. She leaves you temporarily to open a drawer from a table at the bedside, rummaging through before she finds what she’s looking for and pulls it out.

You don’t know what you were thinking, you don’t think you were really thinking at all, but it’s not at all what you expected.

She sits beside you on the bed, pulling off her pants and panties in one smooth motion. She chuckles when you continue to watch her, pausing her actions momentarily.

“Well, don’t _watch,_ ” you quickly look away and hear her laugh at you quietly, and you understand why. You’re acting so flustered, so shy, when you just came all over her fingers and in her mouth.

You know she’s done when she’s climbing over you, a hunger in her eyes that makes you literally drip with anticipation. You manage to collect yourself enough to give her a small simper, your tone going humorous as you question her.

“Why do you have this?” you gesture in between her legs, stifling a laugh when you can clearly see Kara’s embarrassment, “what, did you and Luther—”

Before you can finish, your pushed flat onto the mattress, your wrists pinned above your head and Kara’s face hovering just above your own. You could feel it… _her_ between your legs.

“I _have_ it because I’ve been waiting for the day to finally make you mine.”

Her words almost come out as a growl, and you’re taken off guard. Who is this and what has she done with the sweet, gentle Kara you know?

You feel the head of the strap-on in between part your wet folds, and you glance downwards, watching as Kara rubs it up and down your dripping slit and gasping when it strokes your clit.

“I’ve learned something about you, tonight,” she says, the pleasure she takes in your struggle no secret, “I’ve suspected it for a while, with the way you’ve acted towards me, some of the things you’ve said…” her head tilts to the left, and you position your hips so that her next thrust _has to have her slipping in just a little. “But now I’m sure that I’m right.”_

She rocks her hips forward and enters you, filling and stretching you out slowly. You try to maintain your composure. But even Kara begins to falter, her shoulders tensing and her breaths growing more rugged and uneven.

“You’re into being dominated.”

She pulls back and slams into you hard. Her fingers latch under your chin, bringing your face up to look at her.

 _“Aren’t_ you?”

You would be lying if you said you didn’t have a few fantasies of Kara pinning you down and fucking you until you passed out. Something about her just made you yearn for her to completely consume you, to take you completely and make you _hers,_  to…

To be _completely at her mercy._

She starts a slow pace, her one hand remaining on your wrists above your head, and the other holding onto your hip as she snaps her hips into yours.

“Kara—” you moan when she gives a particularly hard thrust, much harder than before, at least.

“Yes?”

Her voice is still completely put together. Although she’s cracking slowly at the edges, you wouldn't be able to tell if you couldn’t see her expression. It’s not fair.

“Can you… maybe go a little faster?” you get out in between gasps, adding, “p-please?”

She must like that, because she obliges, speeding up the rocking of her hips against your own, and you clench around her.

“So tight,” she comments, her voice breathy, “look at how wet you are for me…”

She wets her fingers with your arousal before lifting them to her lips, sucking them clean.

“You taste so good,” she grinds harder, “you’re doing so good…”

You whimper, loving the heat that pools in between your legs at her praise. She takes full notice of your reaction. “So beautiful… so wet, just for me.”

She squeezes your wrists and then releases them, holding your hips with both hands as she goes just a little bit _faster_ and just a little _harder._

“Yes—” you find yourself choking out, feeling her reach that _spot_ inside of you that no guy could ever reach.

“I love hearing you scream my name,” she begins to take more control of your pleasure, using her tight grip on your hips to bounce you up and down on the smooth plastic. “I love making you feel good.”

You can feel yourself getting close again. You whine. “M-More, please—”

You open your mouth when she she begins to ram you harder, one hand going to your ass to push you towards her to get herself _deeper_ but nothing comes out. You simultaneously hate and love how she can reduce you into a moaning mess craving release and overwhelmed with pleasure so easily. Her new pace has you thanking her, both out loud _and_ in your head. Your hands flood to her back, grasping and scratching at her skin.

This was what you needed. What you had been searching for for so long. Despite the roughness, you love it; it’s consensual. It feels amazing. Kara still handles you with care as she brings you to your end, and there’s no clear indication of where either of you start and where you end. You’re one, the scent of your arousal mixing, and your sweat and her artificial sweat beading together as you move together as one, making love.

...Making love.

Yes, that’s the term. Making love. You had never _made love_ before. You simply fucked. Had sex. There was no meaning behind it, no real passion, no real love. Now your affection is free and unbridled, forcing your movements onwards and making you wetter than you ever have been in your fucking _life._

“Kara—please—”

“What do you want?” she asks in return, her voice husky and warm against your face. You bite the inside of your lip. So fucking _close…_

“F-Faster,” you plead, your legs hooking around her back and keeping her close, your nails digging into her skin.

“You want to come?” she asks, almost tauntingly, and you nod, matching your movements with hers. “Beg.”

Despite the situation, you feel your cheeks burn at the prospect. But this side of Kara is so refreshing to see, her normally calm and sweet demeanor transformed into that of an intense dominator, so you give in and beg anyway.

“Please, Kara, please make me _come please—_ ”

“That’s a good girl.”

Without warning, she presses into your clit and works it in such a way that has you in tears, crying out her name as she drives you into the bed.

Your name rolls off her tongue. You can’t seem to get enough air, your whole body tensing, and your heart pounding violently in your chest, your vision doubling. You go into sensory overload, beginning to cry from the overstimulation—

_“Kara—”_

A scream of her name and you’re coming, completely unraveling under the android that had finally let you see the light, with broken gasps of “yes, yes, Kara, oh _God_ , Kara—” and you’re only spurred on further by the curse that falls from her lips, the first time you’ve heard her swear, and _fuck_ is it hot.

“Fuck,” she hisses, driving into you with reckless abandon, capturing your lips in an open-mouthed kiss and quieting your screams.

You come down slowly, beginning to catch your breath as Kara eases you out of your orgasm, remaining inside you while she looks over you breathlessly, her face full of nothing but love and affection, and then, after caressing the back of her hand against your cheek, she pulls out of you.

You continue to recover while she rids herself of the strap-on, putting it somewhere, but you don’t have the mind to pay attention. She gets into bed beside you, cradling your close to her and resting her forehead against yours.

“That was amazing,” you breathe, and she smiles.

“You’re amazing,” she retorts, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m so happy to have you back,” she says.

“I’m so happy to _be_ back,” you say.

She shifts backwards, if only the slightest bit, and cups your face with her hand. “Just promise me…”

A sadness resurfaces in those striking blue eyes of her. It pulls at your chest, although only for a moment.

“Promise me that you’ll still be here in the morning.”

“I promise,” you say, and you seal it with a kiss. “I’m not going anywhere. Not again.”

“I’ll make sure you won’t,” she says, her eyes watering as she presses her forehead against your own again. You close your eyes. “I don’t think I could handle it.”

“Me neither.” You breathe in her scent. It's so sweet, and it begins to lull you to sleep. “I need you. You make it all worth it.”

“Funny,” she mutters, her voice growing quieter as well. “That’s exactly what I say about you, all the time.”

You start to cry again. Kara really has always brought out the crybaby in you. But you don’t mind. Not this time. Because, this time, it’s not out of sadness. Just… gratefulness. Pure elation, contentment. The feeling of knowing that everything would be okay from now on that you had always been longing to feel.

“I want to spend my life with you,” you whisper, and Kara replies instantly.

“Already done.”

You smile, and the tears spill down your cheeks. Kara catches them, and you feel her kiss your face where they would’ve been.

“I love you so much, Kara.”

It’s practically a sob. But, you really can’t help it. After suffering for so long, hurting for what felt like forever, just _wanting_ Kara… and now you finally have her. Everything you’ve wanted. Everything you’ve fought for. You’re so, _so fucking_ happy you didn’t give up. So happy that you decided to get back up for another round and keep going.

“And I love you too,” she says your full name, and you wrap your arms around her, squeezing her tight, holding onto her like she was your lifeline. She is; the only thing keeping you afloat, the only light you have in the darkness you’ve been wandering through your whole life.

But now it’s beginning to clear. The dust has settled, and dawn breaks on the horizon.

“You’re everything that I’ve ever wanted and ever asked for.”

You’ve survived the storm. You’ve found your rainbow. Your rock. Your safety. Your happiness.

“You’re my world.”

And she’s your universe, her arms your home and her smile your sunlight. You nestle your face into her chest, and she runs her hand through your hair while you let yourself bask in the afterglow of pure bliss.

You have no idea what the future holds. You still have a lot of recovering to do. But you're not scared anymore. This time, you aren’t alone. And with Kara by your side, you think…

Maybe you can do it.

...Yeah. You want to do it. You can.

You smile. And as you dance through the fire, now invincible to the burns, you come to a revelation.

Without all of the suffering, all of the nights spent crying alone and drinking yourself sick and all the _fucking bullshit_ that you had to go through that you never understood, you would’ve never have gotten here. 

It happened for a reason.

After so long of being the victim of your circumstances, you have chosen to be the victor.

You have created a new path, making it as you go along. Step by step. With Kara right beside you.

You fell and you were stuck but Kara gave you wings and taught you how to fly.

And now you will both fly together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm planning on also making an eden club au fic tell me what u guys think in the comment section below and don't forget to like and subscri
> 
> take care for finals, babes. we're almost there


End file.
